30 things I've learned at 30
I love educationposting
Digestion (2)
Psyllium husk every day.
1.5 coffees a day MAX.
Body Awareness (4)
Spend time sitting or lying down on hard floors.
Pay very close attention to what gives you energy and what drops it. You will catch the experience with your whole body.
Brief freezing cold showers awaken the mind. Don’t overlook them just because they’re a meme. They’re the nicest in the morning after exercise.
Social dance (latin, zouk, west coast swing) will fix your posture.
Social Life (9)
The line between being lovable and being needy is kind of thin, but you have to tread it anyways to be lovable.
Life is better when you respond to your texts the moment you see them, even if you are clutching for things to say. If you don’t have time to say anything, then u shouldn’t be looking at ur texts.
You should be less worried about how people feel in response to what you’ve done/said. You should be more worried about getting what you want.
In that vein, it’s harder to disturb/offend people than you think it is. Just say what you think as clearly as you can say it.
You don’t need to listen to someone just because they’re speaking. Practice self-advocacy – if you’re feeling wounded or hurt a lot of the time, you might need to act as your own protector more often. People can deal with you being disagreeable, and in the long term it’s healthier for a social group to learn to accept and come to terms with disagreements, than for people to hide their concerns.
Honesty is a gift for the others around you, especially when you learn to deliver it well.
People can be extremely interesting, and also unhealthy for you.
Harmony based (read: Asian American immigrant) cultures tend to cooperatively manage conversational space for each other. Individualist cultures do not, and as a result, it can be hard for the harmonious person to establish a foothold for themselves. A friend of mine described this as being “a whole piece, versus a piece of the whole”. I think this holds particularly true for immigrant women, though I’m only speaking from personal experience and observation. It can all be overcome and the new culture can be learned, but it will be a bit of an ordeal.
Have at least one long, full-focus conversation every day. Think like, an hour minimum.
Happiness (3)
Happiness is a life in motion.
Happiness is texting your loved ones the moment you think of them.
Happiness is stillness when you want it, and activity when you want it.
Work (2)
Sometimes you will be bad at your work, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. This is very hard to believe sometimes, but it is true.
Work is the largest sink of conscious waking energy. You have to identify with it because otherwise you’re not seeing yourself clearly.
Self-Mastery (2)
Consider meditation for an overactive mind.
Let yourself get a therapist. Journal after therapy.
Time (1)
It takes at least a night of fermenting and then a day of relaxed non-interrupted time to have a good thought. Don’t fall into the trap of busy days and empty years. Give yourself the time to plan the life you want. Someone else can pick up the slack sometimes.
Perception (2)
Pay very close attention to the idiosyncrasies of language.
The way you experience the world is meaningfully different from any other person, and the thing that is special about you is interesting to other people (even if it’s not interesting to you).
Relationships (4)
Solidarity/Side by side bonding, which is all about completing projects together & working towards a goal does NOT feel the same as attention/face to face bonding which is more oriented towards bringing out each other’s personality and emotions. People prefer a different mix of solidarity and attention, and often “the other kind” of bonding can be intellectually appreciated but just doesn’t hit right and isn’t deeply satisfying. Same goes for verbal and nonverbal communicaters.
Many people can only relax if a particular conversational space is set up for them. Observe their close friends to figure out what this is. If you can’t get along with someone, it’s usually not your fault (you’re both misreading each other) unless you refuse to change.
Figure out what you need for when you’re most stressed/anxious/out of sorts, and tell the people around you in advance, so that they can be ready to serve you when the time comes and you find yourself panicking. For me, this is being held fairly tightly (“squozen”), and being told words of support e.g. “I’m here to support you no matter how bad the situation gets.” You might not appear to be distressed until you’re incredibly distressed, so it’s nice to let people know ways in which they can intervene early.
Life is real. You are real, all your problems are real (but not necessarily really important), your service is real and appreciated, your presence is worthy, your love is needed, your sensitivity is acuteness to the reality of the moment. The wasteland of meaning is, I believe, meant to be tred, but we are also meant to return home to where things are unquestionably good.
Process (1)
Sometimes the only way out is through. [Edit: I’ve been advised this was too inscrutable so I will expand]. That is, the source of your suffering is unlikely to go away by itself. Your partner doesn’t understand you, your work is unfulfilling, your friends leave you feeling bored and lonely. Sucks, and it’s just gonna keep sucking until you face up to it and walk through the darkness to the place where the darkness might end, with the understanding that such a place exists for everyone.
Brilliant!